19-year-old Helena Muffly wrote exactly 100 years ago today:
Sunday, November 8, 1914: My thoughts are in some kinds of a tangled maze, for it is now November the eighth, and I have decided to begin on a new month at last. Perhaps this may be accounted for in the fact that my third romance has ended in a tragedy to me any way. I have given up all hope for none is left for poor me. No one knows, no one suspects that deep down in my heart there lies something which I would dare tell no one.
Blanche and Margaret B. were down this afternoon. Took their picture. Wonder how it will be for it was raining at the time.
Her middle-aged granddaughter’s comments 100 years later:
Oh Grandma, I’m so sorry. What happened?
I want to ask why you didn’t tell us about your romance via diary entries during the past few months. But, I know you’re feeling too bad to answer. I’m sure you had your reasons.
—
Blanche and Margaret Bryson were friends of Grandma’s. For more about them see these previous posts:
My Memories of Blanche Bryson Kramm
A Hundred Years Ago 
Wow that is a super sad and interesting entry!!!!!
It’s so surprising how it just seems to come out of nowhere.
I can so relate to that entry. At nearly 54 and never finding Mr Right, only Mr Right Now or worse still Mr Just for today, I have given up any hope on the standard ‘happily ever after ‘ dreams of many women.
I wonder which category the guy who was involved in Grandma’s romantic tragedy fit into.
A sad entry, but we do know that she found love eventually or you wouldn’t be writing this 🙂
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How true. 🙂
It is easy to assume that only day to day things might be happening when there are no entries, but perhaps that is when MOST things are happening! I sometimes find the gaps in my own diaries are when something has been a bit overwhelming or everything was so hectic that I didn’t have the inclination or the time to explain on paper in a way that would do a situation justice.
I think that you are right. A lot was probably happening on days when she didn’t writing anything.
She just keeps us wondering, doesn’t she?! It’s either because there’s no entry and we wonder what happened… Or she writes about something that only makes us wonder more! I’m beginning to think maybe Grandma did it on purpose! 🙂
It’s interesting to think about what leads a diary writer to pick up a pen some days and not others. The ebbs and flows in the diary are very intriguing. 🙂
Aw….we’ve all been there and done that. And it’s such a deep, deep hurt. BUT, we DO know that Grandma eventually found love!
How true!. . . and thank goodness this romance didn’t work out. . . or I won’t be me. 🙂
Isn’t it sweet that she would refer to the end of a romance as a “tragedy”. …. if only she knew….
One ending. . . provides the opportunity for the next beginning. 🙂
Oh, no. This is sad–I wish we could let her know that all is not lost . . .
So do I. . .The ending of a romance can feel so devastating at the time, and it can be hard to realize that a wonderful future lies ahead.
What a shame and she’s at an age when so many things seem tragic…good thing she has good women friends to help her through.
I hadn’t thought about it quite this way until you mentioned it, but I bet you’re right. Her friends were probably visiting to provide support. Friends are so vital during difficult times.
Well, this explains a few things, doesn’t it? Sometimes, even a journal isn’t private enough for certain private thoughts.
Yes, it sure does. I agree–sometimes journals are private enough to record some thoughts.
So sad…. 😦 But Grandma must had been too busy with her romance to write much earlier.
I agree. I’m sure you are right. . . but. . . sigh. . . I just wish that we could have been able to vicariously enjoy her happiness during the romance.
We all know by now that she is a woman of few words! 😉
How true. 🙂
Aww, how sad.. but she must have married the right man in the end..
She did. . . my grandfather was a wonderful person.
Oh poor Helena. A broken heart is not fun. ❤
Diana xo
I agree. . it’s so emotionally painful.
For me, lost loves have persisted as low points in my life, in spite of the fact that eventually I moved on and today am very happily married. I am so sorry for Helena’s lost love. Jane
The pain that is conveyed by this diary entry suggests to me that Grandma probably remembered it for a long, long time.
Love can be so painful. No wonder there were so many non-entries over the last days. I am sure Helena would be mortified that we are reading this entry 100 years later, but our hearts are breaking for her.
Yes, she probably would be mortified. . . and yet somehow entries like these really make me feel very close to her. I hope that she would understand.
😦 heart break
Yes, heartbreak. . . Some things haven’t changed across the years. Both then and now it’s painful when relationship doesn’t work out.
I remember my ears and sobs, all to end up in a 54 year, so far marriage of mutual love and respect.
What a wonderful reminder that the emotional upheavals in our teens and twenties often eventually lead to wonderful marriages. It sounds like you found a winner.
Oh poor grandma. So that’s one big reason for the silence. Wonder what she has withheld? At any rate, we know that she did eventually marry — happily, one hopes. Else you wouldn’t be here.
I had similar thoughts. . . and agree that in the end all worked out happily and well (and thank goodness this relationship ended or else I wouldn’t exist).. 🙂
Sending you a hug Helena. Life gets better.
I agree. . . life gets better.
Oh wouldn’t we love to know more!
Definitely. . . I’m sure that she won’t have felt comfortable putting more details in the diary; but, none the less, I wish she’d provided more information.
Your blog is simply fascinating! What wonderful first person narrative! ❤
Thanks for the kinds words. I’m glad you enjoy it.
This is just plain sad and it’s not like it’s a novel. Her use of the word tragedy was what struck me most. Sounds like this was one she never, ever forgot.
Here use of the word tragedy also struck me. . . as well as the sentence that said, “No one knows, no one suspects that deep down in my heart there lies something which I would dare tell no one.”
So sad, to feel that way.
It agree. . ..it is so sad.
Those young in life break ups do seem so tragic! Poor Grandma!
Her words convey so many emotions that transcend time. Both then and now it can be really hard when a relationship ends.
😦 Helena obviously didn’t trust everything to her diary. But this sadness was too sad not to record, it seems.
Yes, it seems like she considered some thoughts so private that she could only keep them in her head. . . Of course there always was the risk that her mother or sister might somehow read the diary.
Or a pesky little brother!
🙂
I KNEW it!!
🙂
I see that it’s been mentioned, what I am thinking–that some thoughts were too private, or some feelings too raw–to write down. And that’s our tragedy.
How true–some thoughts seem impossible to put into writing. Sometimes that might be a good thing–other times it’s a tragedy.
It’s must have been sad at the time, but think about it, it’s just as well the romance ended, or you wouldn’t be you! She must have suspected that her diary wasn’t private too….poor grandma.
Exactly. . . it’s a good thing this romance ended or I won’t be me 🙂 (though I know that she felt terrible at the time)..
I go away from reading for a few days and find your grandmother with a broken heart! No wonder she didn’t write. Maybe he was stringing her along with lots of activities and she was too busy to write. And then, wham! All over.
The way you describe it sounds plausible to me–but, whew, it had to have been so difficult for Grandma when it ended.
We all seem to sympathize with grandma. But I wonder, who among us didn’t experience similar grief at the breakup of a relationship in those early years — part of the march to full adulthood?