Some things that were considered polite a hundred years ago, are no longer considered polite and vice versa. Whether a guest should tell a host about food dislikes or dietary restrictions has changed across the years. In 1923, it was considered polite to eat what was served, whether or not the guest liked it. Allergies were not generally considered. Here’s what it said in the introduction to a 1923 cookbook:
Personal culinary dislikes are not assets to boast of, though most people seem to think they are. They are liabilities to be got rid of as quickly as possible. Learn to like the things that are good for you. Can’t. Bosh! Nonsense! And again, tut, tut! I guess I know. I did it.
Up to my twenties I ate only bread, meat, potatoes, and sweets. I got sick – very sick- and suffered more than I should have suffered had I eaten properly. That was one reason for waking up and behaving. There were two others though.
First – if other people ate and relished all these things I despised, they must be good, and I was missing something. I wished to miss nothing.
Second- I discovered my limited diet made me a terror to hostesses. People dreaded to invite me, as I since have dreaded to invite people with limited tastes. No one likes to have to keep a card index system of the intricate dislikes of one’s friends. It’s a nuisance. I realized this as I saw harassed glances at things I wasn’t eating. I was unhappy. I didn’t want the particular hostess of the moment to worry about me, but she did, of course, and I do not like to be a worry and a bother to other folks, and I do like to be invited out. I was afraid if I didn’t reform I’d be an unwelcome guest. So I set to work. Seafoods, salads, vegetables – I can eat ’em all, though I freely acknowledge there are some I like better than others, and coconut and caraway seeds still do go down very, very hard, and only when I’m being polite. I am hoping to like them eventually.
The Calorie Cook Book (Mary Dickerson Donahey, 1923)
Proper etiquette has changed across the years. Here is what it said in Reader’s Digest in a 2023 article:
Not Telling Your Host about your Dietary Restrictions
If you have food allergies or other dietary restrictions, you’re probably well aware that talking about what gluten does to your tummy doesn’t make for the most artful dinner party conversation starter. If you’re a vegetarian, you might also not want to force them to cater to you. (After all, there’s always a salad or a side dish, right?) Accordingly, you may be under the impression that when invited to a dinner party, the politest course of action is to keep your dietary concerns to yourself and hope there will be something you can eat.
But if you don’t talk to your host about this in advance, it could be awkward for both you (you’ll go hungry) and them (they’ll definitely notice if you’re not eating the food they’ve put on the table and wonder why). Remember: They’ve taken a lot of time to prepare the meal and want you, as their guest, to be happy.
Do this instead: If you have dietary issues, mention them to your host in advance. Then you can decide, together, what works best for both of you and for the sake of the party’s flow.
Having to eat gluten-free for the last 23 years (I do get very ill from eating gluten) I have to navigate eating in restaurants and friend’s homes. Most friends have no problem accommodating me and I try to check out restaurants before arriving.
It seems odd, but I can’t remember very seeing anything about gluten-free or allergies in hundred-year-old books and magazines. I think that I’ve seen old articles that suggest that some foods may “not agree” with some people, and that if someone suspects that a food doesn’t agree with them that they should eliminate it from the diet and see if they feel better. If the individual isn’t sure which food is problematic, I think that they were encouraged to eliminate them all, and then gradually add them back into the diet, one at a time, so that they could figure out which ones did agree with them.
I think people suffered alot. Mine started in the early 90s and I saw 16 doctors in 2 states unable to give me any help. I finally figured it out on my own after 9 years. Now it is much more recognized and gluten intolerance is accepted and food is labeled.
Yes, people must have suffered a lot before there was an understanding how some people are intolerent of gluten.
Wow, I didn’t realize that this was a thing in 1923. It must have been very dangerous for people with food allergies or celiac disease.
Even now I’m cautious about whose house I eat at. Most people are very kind about my allergy, of course, but some of them don’t quite get the seriousness of it or don’t know how many different ways milk can be snuck into all sorts of foods you might not think to check.
I think that people were aware of allergic reactions a hundred years ago, though they may not have generally called them allergies. My sense is that the understanding of allergies increased greatly across the course of the 20th century.
I know when I’m hosting I want to know about preferences and dangers. I want to provide food my guests will enjoy! I appreciate the information in advance, for sure. I don’t enjoy hearing about it during the meal though!
I agree, it’s much better to know about food preferences and allergies in advance, so that guest needs can be incorporated into menu planning.
If someone has an allergy I certainly want to know, I can usually work around things. If someone said to me they only eat bread, potatoes, meat, and desserts, I think I’d probably make sure there was a nice loaf of bread.
A nice loaf of bread would be a good way of handling the food preferences mentioned in the hundred-year-old cookbook.
I absolutely want to know about allergies and sensitivities and enjoy the challenge of preparing a meal everyone can eat all of. I absolutely refuse to cater to picky adult eaters though. I was very picky as a kid and have learned to love many things I wouldn’t eat then. If I know preferences I will work around them if possible but my sister-in-law avoids veggies so much she won’t even eat carrot cake! I quit trying to deal with that level of picky years ago and veggies go into much of what I cook.
Allergies and food sensitivies are very different from preferences.
Once, a person who had eaten with us on several occasions announced at the table that she was vegetarian. I felt that was very rude. She gave me no chance to cater to her, and everyone else at the table was uncomfortable.
That’s really strange. She should have told you ahead of time, but even if she hadn’t, you’d think that she’d tell you the first time she ate with you rather than waiting until you had her over several times.
She changed her eating habits after the previous time we were with her.
People need to tell hosts about new dietary restrictions ahead of time so they have the opportunity to prepare appropriate foods. Otherwise they have no clue.
You are absolutely correct. We didn’t lose our friendship over it, but I’m glad I didn’t have to serve her a meal again.
With lots of food allergies in the family (my sister carries 2 epi-pens at all times) I’m very aware of food allergies. But the picky eaters can just “pick” at the food served and if need be grab a snack on their way home… But having said that it is easy to avoid serving my fish adverse friend any fish!
Like so many things, there’s a balance between the host accommodating and the guest understanding if there may be some foods served that they might not want to eat.